Barman Still Sour As Fuck As Pubs Reopen

PUNTERS at the Cattle & Stick bar in Waterford who were expecting a warm welcome from landlord Jimmy Devlan after 6 months away were stunned to find that the 54-year-old publican is just as perpetually pissed-off as he ever was, WWN can report.

Like the vast majority of pubs around Ireland, the Cattle & Stick was forced to close due to the Covid-19 restrictions in place, with many long-time customers wondering if it would ever re-open, and if Jimmy would be just ‘as grumpy as fuck’ and likely to bar you after so long away.

These fears were allayed today as Devlan, lovingly known as a piss-faced old bastard, barely looked up from his newspaper as his ‘regulars’ returned to their favourite seats for some socially-distanced pints and awkward, forced conversation while drinking pint after pint without the need for anything daft like a substantial meal.

“Did you miss us Jimmy?” asked one man, before being promptly barred for life.

“With the time you had off, you could have cleaned the toilets” laughed another, before being told that was his last pint.

“Ah he loves us all the same, don’t you Jimmy?” stated another, while the publican turned the TV away from the racing out of pure badness.

Meanwhile as pubs around the country struggle to retain customers while maintaining adequate social distancing and meet safety measures, Mr. Devlan has advised that it is best being such a fucking moan that people don’t want to come near your pub, except just the right amount of hardened alcoholics to keep the business afloat.

Waterford Whispers News