NEW rules to crack down on the country’s most dangerous businesses will see customers completing a series of new captcha tests, along with accepting cookies and GDPR settings before being allowed to enter the premises.
Restaurant and pub customers will have to select ‘all squares with traffic lights in them’ to prove that they’re not robots and trying to scam the government out of food free pints, which is now a criminal offense bringing with it life imprisonment with no chance of parole.
The statutory instrument, signed into law by Minister for Health and Humpty Dumpty man, Stephen Donnelly, took effect yesterday and is expected to eradicate the covid-19 virus from Ireland within a matter of days.
“Nothing is more important than people not eating with their pints,” a manic-eyed Donnelly explained, sitting dangerously on a large wall, “mischievous pubs and restaurants are the scourge of this nation and we will stop at nothing to make sure the running of these businesses is as difficult as possible for staff and owners”.
“This government is spending every single second of everyday concocting ways to combat gastro pubs, I mean covid,” Donnelly concluded, before being slammed by thousands of pub owners across the country and then having a great fall.