THE EU is set to come down hard on father-of-three Noel Norton after the Waterford native exceeded Ireland’s carbon emissions target after ingesting a curry from local Indian take away Have A Goa This.
Eye witnesses confirm that Norton spent the evening post-dinner leaning to one side, arching his leg and emitting the sort of Ozone layer stripping toxic farts that risk Ireland failing its pollution targets in an even more devastating fashion than the government was already planning for.
“I was shocked to be honest,” Norton said of the letter he received from the EU informing him that thanks to machine gun like fire from his arse he had personally incurred the largest environmental fine ever issued by the union.
“I like it spicy to be fair, and even though my family’s eyes were welling up and they had to leave the room and move to a different county, I didn’t think they were doing that much damage,” explained Norton, who puts Ireland’s entire cow population to shame in the methane stakes.
Norton has said he will appeal the record fine running into the tens of millions of euro and claims if anyone is to blame it’s the people who made the curry.
Irish fathers everywhere have appealed for chronic, repetitive and noxious flatulence to be exempted from all future counting of emissions, reasoning that otherwise the vast majority of them will be rendered bankrupt before the week is out.