THERE WERE awkward scenes in a local Waterford parish as families attempted to ignore repeated Zoom invites to midnight mass from parish priest Fr Eamon Amen.
Expecting the current circumstances to exempt them from being guilted into attending midnight mass, locals have found themselves pursued by Fr Amen’s emails, texts and follow up emails in much the same way a relentless serial killer pursues his victims in a horror movie.
“There’s no stopping him, what do we do?” queried noted mass dodger Michael Roughlin, receiving yet another Zoom invite via email.
“Just ignore him… unless he can see into the house and knows we’re doing feck all else? Fuck it, pull over the curtains, cover the web cam,” Roughlin’s mother, Patricia said as her phone pinged with invites too.
Having practiced his sermon, which was really a veiled rant about how no one comes to mass anymore and you’re all heathens all week, Fr Amen couldn’t help but feel deflated by the lack of log ons to his Zoom meeting.
“Is it people’s wifi acting up? It’s just I don’t have the premium Zoom, so this Zoom is going to end in 23 minutes and I’ll have to send out another invite. If everyone could hurry and accept the invite,” the priest said to virtual silence.
Sad no one would get to hear him tell them how they’re all going to hell if they don’t seriously get their act together and be proper Catholics, Fr Amen decided to begin the mass regardless.
“Feck it, I’ll get you all on FaceTime,” Fr Amen said, now trying to figure out how to get a group video call with 5,000 people up and running.