HAVING adhered strictly to every phase of the last full-sacle nationwide lockdown put in place by the Irish government only to see Covid cases rises again to dangerous levels after the country re-opened, Dublin family the Duggans are opting to ‘not bother their holes’ with new advice to minimise their contacts and avoid crowded places.
“Yeah we did the whole ‘don’t go see Granny’ thing for months, broke our hearts it did, and the ICU cases are rising again, so fuck it” stated patriarch of the family Peter Duggan, 43.
“And all around us, neighbours were having their pals around for dinner, the odd house party, heading out of the country… and not a sniffle between them. So why were we cooping the kids up? Why did I go four months without seeing my mistress? Nah, this time, it’s bus rides and playdates for everyone!”.
Backing up her husband’s statements, albeit with a pause as she once again buried her knowledge of his infidelity deep down inside herself, Sheila Duggan claimed that this time around, she would follow the government’s example, not their orders.
“A big dinner the far side of the country with friends sounds just lovely, doesn’t it?” she said, referencing the infamous ‘Golfgate’ scandal, or some other dinner the TDs and Senators are hoping nobody knows about.
“And besides, none of us really know what these levels of restrictions mean so what the hell; we’ll do our best with masks and that but we’re not breaking out hearts over it. And I’m sure as fuck not cutting my own hair again”.