THE GOVERNMENT is fully prepared for the Irish public to raise its collective eyebrows and label the coalition ‘mad as a boat made of sharks’ before fainting from pure shock, but the coalition has a crazy, brand new off-the-wall idea that it’s just thought of now.
“Okay, okay, okay, promise to have an open mind when we say it out loud, but it’s a bit mental like,” explained Taoiseach Micheál Martin, TD for Cloud Cuckoo Land, “we know the public are going to hate us for this but we’re thinking of restricting non-essential travel to Ireland from places like the US”.
The move, the brain child of a government strategist who has just woken up from a 6 month coma, is being described as ‘visionary’ and responsible for the sort of outside of the box thinking that could guide Ireland could really do with if say, a decisive response was needed in the event of an emergence of clusters in meat factories.
“There will be violent protests opposing this, people will be incensed but sorry, we’ve got to make unpopular decisions that seems incredibly irrational – like limiting incoming travel from Covid-19 hot spots,” added Minister for Transport and Narcolepsy, Eamon Ryan.
“What is this madness? What next; closing meat factories with Covid-clusters 3 months after foreign media outlets first highlighted the problems in Irish meat factories? We will not stand for such outlandish and crazy ideas,” confirmed an incensed Irish public.
UPDATE: a mistake in the list of new ‘red list’ air travel countries has led to a number of US, Brazilian and Indian flights land on the production line of Kildare meat factory during a coughing fit.