A COUNTY Waterford woman has taken it upon herself to enforce covid-19 guidelines by designating herself as town prefect, much to the absolute disdain of everyone that knows her.
Speaking from the comfort of her own home while wearing a high visibility vest she ordered online, Dana Woods began rattling off a string of rule breakers from a longlist she has written into her clipboard.
“Tony Phelan from number 12 has gone to France this week with the family, I’ll be making sure they are all self isolating when they get back, that’s for sure,” the daughter of two exclaimed, “I saw Maggie Roche in Tesco without a mask this morning, so I’ll be calling her out on Facebook later on this evening when I get a glass or two of wine in me, let me tell you”.
Seemingly unaware the country is slowly but surely coming out of lockdown, with restrictions lifting every few weeks, Woods said she’s determined to continue her painful tirade until the very last second.
“I am the law,” Woods insisted, almost happy with her role in calling out people and coming across as a bit of fucking dose to most, “it’s people like me who keep this society in check and I don’t care what other people think of me, as long as I think I’m right”.
Despite not being paid for her role, not everyone is happy with Woods’ sudden self designation.
“Some people just love hearing the sound of their own voice, or reading back on their own words, and Dana is one of those people who just chimes in to everyone else’s business,” husband and homeworker Mark Woods explains, before concluding “I suppose it keeps her off my back, and the poor kids – I can’t wait for her to piss off back to work and give us and the whole fucking town a break”.