“BODY to body, funky to funky,” a haunted Daniel Scanlan whispered as he rocked himself back and forth on a chair in the reception of his new therapist’s office.
Scanlan is just one of thousands of Irish people traumatised by a series of Irish Road Safety Authority adverts which generations have found more terrifying than the most depraved horror movies.
“Daniel, I want you to know this is welcoming atmosphere, a judgement free zone” offered therapist Brenda Kinsella.
“I’d like to know how you got here as it were, can you tell me about your life?” added Kinsella unaware she had unwittingly uttered the lyrics of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Man of the World’ causing Scanlan to experience a harrowing flashback to an RSA orgy of irresponsible driving and carnage.
So formative and lasting an experience were the chilling adverts which played at all hours even in between the cartoons he was watching as a kid, Scanlan has more than learnt the lessons the RSA was trying to teach.
“I’ve never drank and driven, no keys in the ignition when on a 12-pint mission. In fact since I first saw those ads I’ve never been in a fecking car,” explained Scanlan, who walked 8 hours to his appointment this morning.
“I don’t kiss my girlfriend if she’s sitting on a wall, the faster the speed the bigger the mess. They say ‘the guy without the seatbelt did the damage’? What about the damage the crowd behind the ads did to me?” asked Scanlan doing up an imaginary seatbelt on his therapist’s chaise lounge.
We appreciate all the help we can get, become a WWN Patreon Supporter below and gain access to bonus content.