AS STUDIES at home and abroad continue to suggest today’s younger generations will be the first to regress in terms of key indicators of quality of life such as trivial things like life expectancy, one local man of advanced years Michael Barton has taken the opportunity to say the snowflake generation will complain about anything.
Barton, who bought his 4-bed urban home on his modest single salary as a postman in the 1980s and retired early, can’t believe a generation locked out of owning homes and facing up to a second global recession in a decade amidst a climate crisis would piss and moan like the snowflakes they are.
“I’d like to see them survive with what I had to deal with in the dark days of the 80s when I was their age,” Barton said of walking into a bank and receiving a mortgage hassle free for a property that has since increased in value 20 fold.
“It’s all ‘poor me’, I have ‘anxiety’, the pension age will be 75 by the time I retire, I’m ‘burned out’ and it’s all backed up by ’empirical evidence’. Jesus, all they do is moan moan moan,” said Barton, moaning once again about ‘millennials’.
Barton, like many people his age, mistakenly talks about the hardship his own parents grew up with like it was actually something he went through, omitting the fact his childhood was defined by relative comfort, affordable living, career stability and no major wars.
“Can’t believe they give out when it was me and my generation that had to fight Hitler a week after the Titanic sank, smack bang in the middle of the Irish famine,” added the 65-year-old, “they don’t even post letters or know what a house phone is – too busy spending their life savings on avocados!”
“And the students have the cheek to give out about paying exorbitant fees for remote learning? They’ve no idea how easy they have it; in my day, Pangaea hadn’t even broken up to form the continents!”