DESCRIBED as a ‘developer’s wet dream come to life’, Dublin City planning officials have given the green light to a co-living data centre made entirely out of hotels, to be constructed on the site of a former homeless shelter.
“Before you moan it also has the minimum required provision for 100% unaffordable housing, but the 400 luxury one-person closets will have to share the same kitchette,” explained aroused Dublin City officials, burning through a year’s supply of tissues and socks in a matter of minutes.
Drained of all sexual fluid following an earth shattering orgasm, Dublin City Council officials preemptively approved the building despite no developer actually applying for permission “because sure that’s where Dublin’s headed anyway” and will also comprise of 70 US tourists per square inch.
The new mega-structure is believed to be one of 60 currently planned for Dublin in the next year with that number expected to increase after changes to planning laws automatically turning anyone lodging objections into a hotel too.
“Look, Hotel Land, sorry Dublin City, isn’t perfect but you can’t accuse us of not thinking of the city’s residents – they asked for affordable housing, reduction in rent prices and we’ll certainly look into building a second Spire so you’re welcome”.
“And it’s not like anyone’s going to miss the kip of a building, it’s of no historical value” an official said of the one-of-a-kind ornate Georgian building that was the birthplace of Jedward, home to Harry Clarke, Jim Larkin, James Joyce, Samuel Beckett, Rosie Hackett, Phil Lynott, Sinead O’Connor and Bram Stoker, and the location where Cumann na mBan was established and Riverdance was first performed.