WITH rumours continuing to circulate in regards to his possible ill health, war crime aficionado Vladimir Putin has been urged to take medical advice from Ireland’s only holders of a PHD in good vibes, the Happy Pear.
Having hit the headlines for a podcast which detailed sure fire cancer prevention tips like eating mushrooms, the Happy Pear have been identified as the only medical experts Putin should listen to.
“Vlad, if you’re at all worried about your health, you could do worse than giving the lads a call – I hear a suppository made out of chia seeds and hummus can do wonders for you,” confirmed one well meaning individual.
With a lot of health misinformation online and ‘Dr Google’ causing people undue worry and stress, it’s never been more important for dictators currently killing thousands of innocent people in an illegal war to get the best essential oil advice out there.
“You don’t want to take risks, health is wealth as they say. Why trust a doctor when a juice cleanse can help grow back missing limbs, and a bit of 6am yoga can kick Parkinson’s in the balls,” shared more people who added that cutting indiscriminate killing and illegal invasion from Putin’s diet wouldn’t hurt either.
“And if those hand tremors are still at you when you’re trying to eat some borscht, don’t be afraid to ask leading spoon expert Uri Geller for advice”.
Elsewhere Ireland’s 2,314 alternative health shops continue to roll out health advice to no controversy.
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