BREAKING news emanating from a local shop today has confirmed that a second national lockdown is absolutely inevitable, WWN can report without any hesitation.
Sparking a media frenzy this morning, some random lad in Russell’s shop on Main Street made the announcement while waiting on a ham, cheese lettuce and coleslaw roll, before elaborating further at the checkouts.
“We’re all back to square one again now with the cases flying up,” the man said, pulling his mask under his chin to deliver the devastating news, “second wave imminent now so best make the best of your freedom as I heard from a lad who works in a place that they’re already planning to close the whole country again”.
Met with horrified gasps from fellow customers and staff, it wasn’t long before the local and national media began gathering outside Russell’s for more information from the reliable news source as he exited the shop.
“The economy won’t be able to take another hit like this, we’re all doomed,” the man added, now cursing deli staff for putting the lettuce in last – a pet hate of his.
“Army will have to be called in this time around I’d say, a lot of people are not going to stand for another few months inside,” he continued as he was getting into his car, “best thing you journalists could do now is tell the entire country that this is coming and hope it keeps their chronic anxiety levels high enough for them to continue clicking and buying papers”.