SINN FÉIN insiders have confirmed the party are struggling to adjust to how mean everyone is now that they’re the main opposition party in the Dáil, WWN can reveal.
The party had previously enjoyed ‘mad second cousin at a wedding’ privileges within the Irish political eco-system when just a minor fringe opposition party but now that it occupies a role more akin to drunken uncle, the days of shitting in the wedding cake and getting away with it, politically speaking, are long gone.
“It’s just like, not fair,” replied one Sinn Féin member staring at the ground and awkwardly moving his feet, his bottom lip quivering as if on the edge of bursting into tears.
One giant intake of hyperventilated air after another, the upset Sinn Féin member was barely able to articulate how deeply traumatic it was to be ganged up on over every self-inflicted, self-defeating disasters like they were Fianna Fáil, Labour or Fine Gael.
“What is it? Did someone call you a Fenian bastard? Is someone beating you up? Oh God did someone point out Mary Lou isn’t Taoiseach? Spit it out,” the stammering SF member was asked.
“No, it’s much worse… you attend one funeral during Covid-19, or you nominate someone for mayor you should have kicked out of the party because they’ve said homophobic and xenophobic things and it’s like suddenly this crazy high standard of ‘poor judgement of the party reflects badly on the party’” blubbed the member, who can’t believe voters and political rivals could be so unspeakably cruel.
“Oh why don’t they all just focus on the housing bill we’re proposing or the hard time we’re giving the banks,” the Sinn Féin member cried, before having the steaming pile of you bring it on yourself pointed out to him again.