DESPITE entertainment for children making huge strides in recent decades, Irish teachers have confirmed ferrying kids into a bus for drive up to a church to see the disembodied decaying head of a saint is still the best school tour Ireland has to offer.
“I don’t even look at Oliver Plunkett’s head anymore, I just make sure to get myself in position to see the poor kids’ faces,” shared teacher Fiona Fallon, delighting in her power to treat her charges to an experience which will form the cornerstone of any future therapy sessions.
“What are we going to do, take them to some entertaining rollercoaster park, a 1916 tour or some nonsense? Ah they love it, even through the screams,” added a colleague of Fallon’s who doesn’t care if her school is offered a 3-week all expenses paid trip to Disneyland, it can’t compete with the trauma of a horror movie head.
While many Irish parents maintain the ‘sure it did me no harm’ attitude to the experience, for other Oliver Plunkett school tour veterans, it is only when as adults and interacting with people from overseas and swapping memories of school does it begin to strike them as odd.
“From America are ya? Suppose school is much the same there, bitta English, History? The school tour with the decapitated head?” shared one Irish adult, about to have the sick and twisted school tour practices in Ireland put into perspective.
“Fuck, I thought I dreamt that. Hang on, I’ve to ring my solicitor I think I’ve a case here,” remarked thousands of former Irish schoolchildren, who would have much preferred a trip to the Coca Cola factory.
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