crime

Special Helpline Set Up For Garda Commissioners Receiving Abuse For Failing Domestic Abuse Victims

ENSURING it operates in much the same way as existing 999 call procedures, anyone who rings the helpline will have their call dismissed. In an attempt to provide superficial support which will ultimately come to nothing, garda commissioners who find themselves accused of being a useful as a glass hammer now have someone to ring… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Sniffer Dog Receives Rolled-Up Newspaper In Mailbox

A DRUG-sniffing dog hailed as a hero for helping to uncover over €208,000 worth of narcotics in a Dublin mail centre has vowed to continue his work, despite receiving chilling warnings in the mail from cartels based in the city. “Snitch bitches get stitches” warned one message to Bailey, the 3-year-old Labrador at the centre… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Irate & Bare Chested Martin Calls Out Putin Over HSE Ransomware Hack

RECENT attacks carried out by the Russian backed Darkside and Evil Corp hacking groups has given rise to suspicions that Putin’s FSB may be responsible for the recent HSE ransomware hack which might explain why an irate and bare-chested Micheál Martin is in the middle of recording a call out video to the Russian leader…. Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


“It’s Very Pure” Gardaí Seize 99 Kilos Of Cocaine

DUBLIN Gardaí are today celebrating after seizing 99 kilograms of cocaine, stating the find is very pure and of top quality. “I literally can’t stop smiling,” said a garda at the scene of the haul, his teeth audibly grinding, “does anyone else find it extremely warm in here, I’m drenched with sweat from all the… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


The Cynical Bastards Guide To The Gardaí Dancing Video

WWN sat down for an exclusive video watching session with Waterford’s foremost cynical bastard David Hughes. Hughes, a cynical bastard of some repute, has been known to suck the joy out of absolutely anything ranging from a child taking their first steps to a panda playing in the snow and has kindly offered his services… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Irish Mother Arrested After Mollycoddling Son For 49 Years

IN AN arrest that echoes a disturbing recent case in Sweden, Waterford mother Sheila Power has been taken into custody and charged with son-based mollycoddling which gardaí believe spanned over five decades. “It’s the worst case of its kind we’ve ever seen,” arresting officer Pat Carty told WWN, as he observed Power’s son Andrew, 49,… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Bitter Gardaí Bust Shebeen After Not Receiving Invite

WATERFORD Gardaí have vowed to clamp down on one of the most dangerous operations known to man, stating they are absolutely disgusted with the nation, WWN has learned. “The fact that people we know and protect could go out of their way to build fully functional home bars with pool tables, dart boards, widescreen TVs,… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


‘The Lads’ WhatsApp Awful Quiet Recently For Some Reason

ACTIVITY on certain lads’ WhatsApp group chats have grown eerily quiet in the last week but it is believed to be completely unconnected to reports that the gardaí are investigating the circulation of images of Irish women and underage girls. Some groups have recorded as much as a 100% drop in activity, although this development… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


“This Fucking City Man” Says Dublin Bike Thief Who Had Stolen Bike Stolen

“I ONLY fucking stole that bike yesterday!” Staring in disbelief at where the bike, which he had only liberated from a lock wrapped around a lamppost yesterday should be, veteran thief Stevie Nicks has had his last ounce of hope ground out of him by ‘this bastarding, Godforsaken city’. “Dublin man, this fucking place… I’m… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


National Emergency Declared After All Women & Jobs Stolen By Immigrants

“WE MUST be honest with the public, we have no idea as to their current locations,” an ashen faced government official shared at an emergency press conference confirming what your permanently angry uncle, who your family has severed ties with long ago, has always suspected; Ireland’s entire supply of women and jobs have been stolen… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…