WATERFORD teacher Sheila Owens has admitted that she didn’t fully appreciate the 30 bath sets that she received as Christmas gifts from her pupils last year, unaware as she was that she was heading into a year where she would be equal parts teacher and frontline health worker.
“I threw the half of them out to be honest, there’s only so clean one person can possibly be in a year” sighed Owens, performing her additional daily tasks which include hand sanitisation of 100 kids, adequate pod management, and minor level contact tracing during the frequent Covid-19 outbreaks that have plagued St Augustine Of The Hacking Cough NS, Dungarvan.
“I’ll tell you this much, I’ll appreciate the off-brand Aldi Yankee Candles I get this year, that’s for sure. Last year it seemed like money for old rope, but since March I’ve put the damn hours in, nobody can begrudge me a house that smells like baby powder and mild chemicals this year”.
Owens’ lamentations come as teachers unions implore the government to finish the school year in early December this year, in a bid to save Christmas from lockdown; a plea that has so far fallen on deaf ears.
“We don’t need to close schools” repeated a steel robot at the gates of Leinster House, as hordes of teachers presented evidence to the contrary.
“Remember to wash your hands after receiving each box of Roses you get from students. Happy Christmas from all at Leinster House”.
Meanwhile, Ms. Owens has stated that she can’t really smell one of the scented candles she saved from last year, but is certain it isn’t a Covid-19 symptom because kids don’t drive transmissions.