EXPLORING absolutely every conceivable option to stem the flow of tourists flying into Ireland during a global pandemic that isn’t the actual suspension of flights, the departments of health, foreign affairs and tourism have installed an irate rural farmer from Carraigthomond at the arrivals gate in Dublin airport.
With his deep and resonant voice filling every inch Dublin’s Terminal 2, the Bull McCabe, chosen due to his well documented dislike of Americans, has let it be known to all arriving US tourists that they are unwelcome at this current time.
Due to the relatively low numbers of people boarding flights into Dublin airport, McCabe, who holds a PHD in Outsider Intimidation, has been delivering a contemptuous snarl of “Go home, yank!” to every individual tourist.
“Me and mine didn’t toil and sweat for generations to keep these fields free of Covid-19 only for Outsiders to be the ones to get a selfie in the Guinness Storehouse, out with ye!” McCabe barked at a procession of tourists who pinky promised to quarantine for two weeks during their 10 day stay in Ireland.
“Be a good yank, turn around and go home” a fed up McCabe shouted once more, this time dragging his stick across the top of the airport lounge bar, smashing through a round of freshly poured Guinness ordered by a nearby Texan.
Hailing the new initiative, the government stated “while Mr McCabe holds no statutory powers and cannot actually demand tourists go home, and the tourists are in fact free to stroll passed him and do whatever they like, we believe this is the sort of decisive action from the government that will put Irish people’s fears at ease”.