PUNCHING inanimate objects is a great way of immediately channelling stress and defusing it in a quick and honourable fashion. Here are some items we’ve compiled which may help you through any difficult news this evening, whatever that may be.
The hole in the wall you made back in early April for a similar reason, under similar circumstances. Just punch it again, to fuck.
The ‘we’re all in this together’ poster you made when you were a naive fool back in March.
Your incredibly crusty facemask which is now laced in red wine and particles of Meanies.
The November section on your 2020 calendar. Actually just punch the whole fucking calendar, the cunt.
The stupid rain for making the day even worse.
The letter you got from you car insurance company with the 3 euro rebate in July.
All those restaurant and staycation receipts you’ve been collecting for the last three weeks – punch the fuck out of them.
Wait for one of those homemade Aldi or Lidl lockdown adverts to come on TV and just punch the screen while shouting at the families involved in making them.
Write down the word staycation and punch that stupid fucking word until your knuckles bleed and then punch it some more.
Instead of clapping for anyone of significance, just clench both fists and punch them off each other instead while you cry in agony.
Have you a garden shed? Pretend it’s Claire Byrne’s and punch it.
Punch all the taps in your home while singing happy birthday, then punch yourself in the mouth for singing it.
Print out all the condescending status updates from people calling on other people to adhere to the new restrictions and punch the absolute fucking fuck out of them. Pricks.
Punch the map of Ireland, making sure to punch Dublin and Northern Ireland more than the rest of the country.