THE government has pleaded with the Association Of Secondary Teachers Ireland to cool it with their concerns surrounding unvaccinated teachers returning to work in September, as they’re ‘so close’ to having everyone satisfied.
“Granted, our plan doesn’t include teachers in the early or indeed late stages of pregnancy who aren’t eligible for a vaccine, but come on, how many of those can there really be?” asked one government official today, without waiting for an answer.
“So to any of the women who just had to get pregnant in the middle of a pandemic, we say come on girls, help us out a bit here. What’ve you been doing so far? Masks, handwashing, social distancing, all that good stuff. Keep it up until you pop that sprog and then you’re on that sweet maternity leave, just like you wanted. Work with us here, Jesus Christ”.
The statement drew ire from both ASTI and hundreds of teachers, prompting officials to issue further ‘hey, chill out’ statements.
“What’s the big deal? We stuffed you into these classrooms last year when nobody had any vaccinations whatsoever, and we didn’t hear any complaints” fumed officials, irate that they have to put up with this from not just teachers, but female teachers at that.
“What’s that? You did complain at the time? We didn’t listen, we stuck to our ‘it’s grand’ policy, and as it turned out, it was grand! Mostly! A few spikes here and there. Just stick with our plan and stop stressing us out, we have enough to worry about at the minute”.
The government then went on to drum up a backlash against pregnant teachers by stoking the old reliable “they get 6 months holidays a year and they’re still not happy” fire.
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