Useless Housing Bill Everyone Fucking Hates To Pass Dáil Vote With Flying Colours

ADVERTISED as a way to make it easier for councils to deliver affordable homes and rentals on public lands, the Land Development Agency (LDA) bill in its current form could see public lands used by private developers to develop and sell unaffordable properties only exacerbating the long standing housing issues in Ireland.

“More Marxist rhetoric from loony lefties; Sinn Féin, Social Democrat nonsense,” a Minister for Housing spokesperson said, responding to criticism from the ESRI, the Central Bank and seemingly every housing expert that doesn’t stand to profit from the LDA.

With depressing predictability the LDA will receive rousing applause from government coalition TDs who will go on to tell constituents they ‘fought like hell to include this and that amendment’ when it all blows up in their faces in the coming years.

“It’s like this bill was written by someone who gets an erotically charged kick from ramming as many loopholes and pitfalls into one place as possible. Affordability linked to ‘market prices’” confirmed one housing expert who could live to be 149 and still not be asked for their expertise on these matters by government.

“No bill is perfect – we’re open to all suggestions and solutions from the opposition unless they take the form of solution or suggestion-based submissions and amendments,” confirmed the Minister for Housing Darragh O’Brien, scribbling the words ‘Fianna Fáil Housing Plan’ over the printed ‘Fine Gael Housing Plan’ ink on his LDA plans.

Elsewhere, plans were already beginning for a mass ‘shrugging of shoulders’ and ‘scratching of heads’ ceremonies along with a ‘bonfire of the brain cells’ for 2031 to mark a decade of the LDA’s role in the continuation of inflated house prices and lack of supply.

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