CURRENT Tánaiste Leo Varadkar has been taken aside by Taoiseach Micheál Martin and warned against replying to statements directed at the Taoiseach during Dáil questions, which has been happening ‘a little too often’ for comfort.
“Leo mate, listen, when Mary Lou McDonald launches a scathing attack on ‘the Taoiseach’, you gotta remember that it’s on me to reply with a pithy remark about how Sinn Féin are a bunch of criminals, not you’ explained Martin, to a sincerely apologetic Varadkar.
“Micheál, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. It’s just you get so used to being Taoiseach and then you’re the Táiniste and the ‘T’ sounds at the start are very similar – plus, I’m always just ready to jump up and shut down anything that comes from the SF side of the house. But I’ll keep it in check, I promise”, explained Varadkar, while writing ‘Táiniste’ in black marker on the back of his hand so that he won’t forget.
Meanwhile, a cruel drinking game has broken out in the Dáil bar involving calling ‘Taoiseach’ across the bar and seeing who turns around. Participants must:
– Have a drink if Leo Varadkar turns around, before remembering halfway that he gave away the role of Taoiseach in order to avoid a second general election.
– Have a drink if Micheál Martin forgets he’s Taoiseach and doesn’t turn around.
– Have a drink if both Martin and Varadkar appear confused, and ask each other ‘is that you or me?’
– Clear the fucking table if Eamon Ryan turns around.