SEEKING to reassure the public after a damning UN backed IPCC report on climate change suggested drastic measures and decisive interventions must to made to avert decades of weather based catastrophes, the Irish government has said ‘hey, we got this’ despite the fact they’re rolling out the red carpet for resource sapping and emission generating data centres.
“Yes, it’s true we’ve agreed to let Amazon level Leitrim and convert it into a giant data centre, but don’t forget our pledge to plant one tree by the end of the decade,” confirmed the government, who all took separate cars to a press conference walking distance from Leinster House.
“And yes, just one single data centre will use more electricity than… woah, really? That much? Four times more than Kilkenny? Wow… but as we said climatey changey stuff is our top priority,” added one government TD, fresh from lodging 57 separate objections to cycling infrastructure.
Responding to suggestions that perhaps begging big tech companies to build data centres, which create next to no long term employment, cause a huge demand on local water supply and will soon account for 30% of national electrical grid, is proof this government is as capable of tackling the greatest threat to humanity as a fish is of playing for the LA Lakers, the government remained bullish.
“Now that’s not fair, we have all these carbon taxes in the pipeline that will really cripple the bank account of those truly responsible for climate change; the average person,” explained Minister for Leaving The Multi-nationals The Fuck Alone, Paschal Donohoe.
Asked if now might be the time to engage with the farming sector on how to phrase out the most inefficient and damaging forms of farming, the government leapt for cover under the nearest bush and cowered in fear.
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