LOCAL NEWS

Davy Stockbrokers Punished For Bond Scandal With Massive Pay Day

SENDING A clear signal that no misdeed will go unpunished, many of the so-called Davy 16 will directly benefit from the €440 million sale of the firm to Bank of Ireland, an entity in which the State has significant shareholdings in. “Personally, I thank my lucky stars I didn’t have to resign in disgrace and… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Eid Really Crept Up On Racist This Year

“THIS damn thing just gets earlier every year” sighed Waterford bigot Terrence Inglesby this morning, after going on Twitter this morning and realising that the Muslim festival of Eid al-Adha gets underway today. “I’ve nothing ready, what am I supposed to do? Let me have a quick look and see if I’ve any snide comments… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…



Yet Another Day Of Man’s Life Rolls By Without Cause To Use Sin, Cos or Tan

LEAVING Cert holder Aaron Walkenson has somehow managed to navigate through another day without having to calculate the angles of a triangle, making the years he spent sweating about formulas and equations seem quite pointless indeed. “I’ll be honest, I’m not out here trying to avoid trigonometry” stated Walkenson, who did his Leaving Cert 20… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…



Ian Bailey Recovering After Suspected Attention Overdose

‘A MURDER In West Cork’ star Ian Bailey is said to be doing well today, following what many believe to be an adverse reaction to extreme amounts of attention in the days following the release of the Netflix documentary. “Ian is used to being the centre of attention in the Sophie Toscan Du Plantier murder… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Dublin Seagull’s Welcome News Of City’s First Rooftop Cinema

THE CAPITAL city’s supply of swooping murder birds have welcomed the news of plans to build a rooftop cinema in Dublin, WWN can confirm. “Oh you know the type that’d love it there too, all notions and showing off on social media – they’re my favourite to decorate like a Jackson Pollock,” confirmed one seagull… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Fuck: Looks Like That Wedding You Didn’t Want To Go To Is Going Ahead

FURTHER easing of covid-19 restrictions from today will see hundreds of on again, off again weddings finally going ahead, wrecking the plans of thousands of invited guests who really didn’t want to go anywhere near them. “That’s me down 500 euro,” moaned one Waterford man we spoke to, who is somehow among the 50 select… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…



Young Person Not Allowed Eat Or Drink Indoors Looking Forward To Serving People In Restaurant Indoors

21-YEAR-OLD waitress Laura Searson has expressed her immense excitement at the prospect of serving fully vaccinated people when there is a muddled return to indoor dining on the 19th of July. “Great, can’t wait” shared Searson with the sort of plummeting levels of enthusiasm normally displayed by a prisoner awaiting execution on death row. “When… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…