LOCAL NEWS

Housing Situation So Bad Public Not Even Distracted By Traveller Wedding Marquee

TRYING to fall back on the reliably contentious subject of Travellers, politicians and the media alike were shocked to discover the simple-minded, easily distracted Irish public aren’t letting go of this whole ‘don’t want to be paying €2000 a month in rent when I’m 75’ business. “And they’re even happy to advocate for housing for… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


60 Dead From Hypothermia In Irish Outdoor Dining Test Event

TRAGEDY has struck during routine preparations by local councils looking into the feasibility of conducting a summer of outdoor dining in Ireland, as 60 participants in a test event died of hypothermia amid cloudless skies and blazing Irish sunshine. “It was all going well, they were getting the full force of sweltering single digit temperatures… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Investment Fund Buys Up Every Tent & Sleeping Bag In Ireland

MOVING on to phase 2 of their long-term plan to rake in billions of euro in profits from their investments in Ireland, several so-called ‘cuckoo funds’ have begun to hoover ups sleeping bags and camping equipment to hoard them for the inevitable continued spike in homelessness down the line. “Well, you know, I mean, there’s… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


“Leave Sexy And Distinguished Eoghan Harris Alone” – Barbara J. Pym

WWN’S guest columnist today is none other than revered and respected Twitter account holder and very real person Barbara J. Pym, who discusses the fallout from Eoghan Harris’s sacking from the Sunday Independent after he was found be one of a number of individuals operating an anonymous Twitter account which sent abusive messages to journalists…. Read more » Waterford Whispers News…



“I Can Tell Someone’s Foreign Just From The Back Of Their Head” Declares Man Out Of Nowhere

UNPROMPTED, unwanted and entirely apropos of nothing, local man Gerard Eames has declared he can identify someone as ‘foreign’, just from the back of their heads. “And from a distance as far away as 50-100 metres, honestly,” added Eames, despite never being asked a question relating to this odd, odd ‘superpower’ he appears to believe… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Waxers To Invest In Hedge Trimmers Ahead Of Reopening

FOLLOWING the announcement that hairdressers, barbers and salons are to reopen on the 10th of May, the government unveiled a new funding scheme aimed at helping the nation’s waxing technicians purchase hedge trimmers. “It’s no good reopening and offering these services if they can’t cope with the post-lockdown demands of some customers,” confirmed Minister for… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Dog On Death Row Exonerated After Poo DNA Test Clears Name

A NEW pilot scheme in Leitrim aimed at identifying dog fouling via DNA has already claimed its first victory with the exoneration of one dog on death row, WWN can reveal. A 5-year-old Lab mix named Eddie was facing being sent to the great big dog park in the sky via lethal injection after being… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Exclusive: McDonald Failed To Hold Door Open For Elderly Woman In 2005

Reporting by Noel Kelly, Paul Peel, Sean McGarten, Rebecca Kind, Frank Rafferty, Martin Nowak, Kelly Tiernan and Jack Kinsealy. Additional reporting by Brian Fanton and Olivia Ní Coinnigh. IN YET another shocking example of the depths Sinn Féin are willing to plunge, the Military Junta which presides over the party have refused to sanction any… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Varadkar Agonisingly Close To Making Link Between Economic Hardship For Under 35s & Fine Gael

LEADING robotics and AI engineers in Silicon Valley are said to be closely observing video footage from Dáil Éireann after state of the art AI almost achieved full self-awareness. The incident occurred when Tánaiste Leo Varadkar, taking part in a debate on youth unemployment, came close for a brief moment to realising the links between… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…