BREAKING NEWS


“I Can Tell Someone’s Foreign Just From The Back Of Their Head” Declares Man Out Of Nowhere

UNPROMPTED, unwanted and entirely apropos of nothing, local man Gerard Eames has declared he can identify someone as ‘foreign’, just from the back of their heads. “And from a distance as far away as 50-100 metres, honestly,” added Eames, despite never being asked a question relating to this odd, odd ‘superpower’ he appears to believe… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Waxers To Invest In Hedge Trimmers Ahead Of Reopening

FOLLOWING the announcement that hairdressers, barbers and salons are to reopen on the 10th of May, the government unveiled a new funding scheme aimed at helping the nation’s waxing technicians purchase hedge trimmers. “It’s no good reopening and offering these services if they can’t cope with the post-lockdown demands of some customers,” confirmed Minister for… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Dog On Death Row Exonerated After Poo DNA Test Clears Name

A NEW pilot scheme in Leitrim aimed at identifying dog fouling via DNA has already claimed its first victory with the exoneration of one dog on death row, WWN can reveal. A 5-year-old Lab mix named Eddie was facing being sent to the great big dog park in the sky via lethal injection after being… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Exclusive: McDonald Failed To Hold Door Open For Elderly Woman In 2005

Reporting by Noel Kelly, Paul Peel, Sean McGarten, Rebecca Kind, Frank Rafferty, Martin Nowak, Kelly Tiernan and Jack Kinsealy. Additional reporting by Brian Fanton and Olivia Ní Coinnigh. IN YET another shocking example of the depths Sinn Féin are willing to plunge, the Military Junta which presides over the party have refused to sanction any… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Varadkar Agonisingly Close To Making Link Between Economic Hardship For Under 35s & Fine Gael

LEADING robotics and AI engineers in Silicon Valley are said to be closely observing video footage from Dáil Éireann after state of the art AI almost achieved full self-awareness. The incident occurred when Tánaiste Leo Varadkar, taking part in a debate on youth unemployment, came close for a brief moment to realising the links between… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…



Man’s Car So Clean Now He Could Cry

LOCAL MAN Alan Devaney has taken advantage of a rare 4-hour window of free time in his weekend to get his car the closest it has ever been to regaining its ‘fresh out of the box clean’ look it had the day he bought it, prompting a wave of emotion. Devaney, who thinks valet services… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Local Man Clearly Wants Pandemic To Go On Forever

LOCAL busybody Ciaran Caul is so besotted with the anxiety filled thrill gifted to him by the Covid-19 pandemic, it is becoming increasing clear he wants this seismic disruption to normality to continue until the end of time. “You know the way after this amount of time, you do others the kindness of not throwing… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Collison Brother Arrested After Stabbing Forbes Journalist

A FORBES journalist is said to be in a stable condition in hospital after reportedly receiving several stab wounds outside his home after being attacked by billionaire Stripe founder Patrick Collison in a frenzied attack, which according to Forbes is a very run of the mill occurrence in war torn Limerick. Stephen McBride, a contributor… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…