news


“I Can Tell Someone’s Foreign Just From The Back Of Their Head” Declares Man Out Of Nowhere

UNPROMPTED, unwanted and entirely apropos of nothing, local man Gerard Eames has declared he can identify someone as ‘foreign’, just from the back of their heads. “And from a distance as far away as 50-100 metres, honestly,” added Eames, despite never being asked a question relating to this odd, odd ‘superpower’ he appears to believe… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Waxers To Invest In Hedge Trimmers Ahead Of Reopening

FOLLOWING the announcement that hairdressers, barbers and salons are to reopen on the 10th of May, the government unveiled a new funding scheme aimed at helping the nation’s waxing technicians purchase hedge trimmers. “It’s no good reopening and offering these services if they can’t cope with the post-lockdown demands of some customers,” confirmed Minister for… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Dog On Death Row Exonerated After Poo DNA Test Clears Name

A NEW pilot scheme in Leitrim aimed at identifying dog fouling via DNA has already claimed its first victory with the exoneration of one dog on death row, WWN can reveal. A 5-year-old Lab mix named Eddie was facing being sent to the great big dog park in the sky via lethal injection after being… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Exclusive: McDonald Failed To Hold Door Open For Elderly Woman In 2005

Reporting by Noel Kelly, Paul Peel, Sean McGarten, Rebecca Kind, Frank Rafferty, Martin Nowak, Kelly Tiernan and Jack Kinsealy. Additional reporting by Brian Fanton and Olivia Ní Coinnigh. IN YET another shocking example of the depths Sinn Féin are willing to plunge, the Military Junta which presides over the party have refused to sanction any… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…


Varadkar Agonisingly Close To Making Link Between Economic Hardship For Under 35s & Fine Gael

LEADING robotics and AI engineers in Silicon Valley are said to be closely observing video footage from Dáil Éireann after state of the art AI almost achieved full self-awareness. The incident occurred when Tánaiste Leo Varadkar, taking part in a debate on youth unemployment, came close for a brief moment to realising the links between… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…



Local Man Clearly Wants Pandemic To Go On Forever

LOCAL busybody Ciaran Caul is so besotted with the anxiety filled thrill gifted to him by the Covid-19 pandemic, it is becoming increasing clear he wants this seismic disruption to normality to continue until the end of time. “You know the way after this amount of time, you do others the kindness of not throwing… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…



Local Environmentalist All For Wind Farms As Long As They’re Erected Somewhere Else

CONTRADICTING years of her own social media comments, tweets and sharing of dozens of energy efficient articles highlighting the benefits of wind turbines, local woman and ‘environmentalist’ Sinead Crawley failed to see the irony of her latest quest to halt a local wind farm from being erected, WWN can report. Echoing the vast array of… Read more » Waterford Whispers News…